I realize how I don’t manage a blog well.  I always have ideas floating around of what is on my mind or even updates on my life but by the time I sit at my computer I get distracted.

The quick update on my life is that it’s almost November….where in the world has the time gone?  I am almost done with this semester at school.  I only have one more module class left.

We’ve actually gotten a fall for the first time in awhile I feel like and it has been glorious.

I get to go home for a few weeks for Christmas and I am very much looking forward to it.

I have an amazing job at my school’s office.

November means turkey and I am actually looking forward to some good turkey (well mostly the glorious holiday desserts!)

Umm I wish I had something exciting to say in this short update but as they say, no news is good news!

Father’s Love Letter

I was given this today and I just wanted to share.  It can be found on www.fathersloveletter.com

My Child,

You may not know me,
but I know everything about you.
Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up.
Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways.
Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered.
Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image.
Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being.
Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring.
Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived.
Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation.
Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake,
for all your days are written in my book.
Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth
and where you would live.
Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother’s womb.
Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born.
Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented
by those who don’t know me.
John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry,
but am the complete expression of love.
1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you.
1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child
and I am your Father.
1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could.
Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father.
Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand.
James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs.
Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope.
Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love.
Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless
as the sand on the seashore.
Psalms 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you.
Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession.
Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you
with all my heart and all my soul.
Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things.
Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart,
you will find me.
Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you
the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires.
Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you
than you could possibly imagine.
Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager.
2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you
in all your troubles.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted,
I am close to you.
Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb,
I have carried you close to my heart.
Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away
every tear from your eyes.
Revelation 21:3-4

And I’ll take away all the pain
you have suffered on this earth.
Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you
even as I love my son, Jesus.
John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed.
John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being.
Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you,
not against you.
Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression
of my love for you.
1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved
that I might gain your love.
Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus,
you receive me.
1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you
from my love again.
Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I’ll throw the biggest party
heaven has ever seen.
Luke 15:7

I have always been Father,
and will always be Father.
Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is…
Will you be my child?
John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you.
Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad
Almighty God

Okay, my August 2009 resolution is to be faithful to the blog.  But first I must sleep.

a sufficient update

I realize its been 2+ months since I have posted on here.  Since last post, I was in Kansas City finishing up my first year at IHOPU.  Well since then I have finished that first year, flew to Virginia, went on a cruise with my Mom, hung out in Virginia for a few weeks then flew back to Kansas City where I have been for almost a month now!

So here I am back in Kansas City.  That’s all for now.

I’m always so overwhelmed with how much the Lord loves me.  Recently I keep asking the Lord, “why do you continue to bless me when I am so undeserving?”

Money has been really tight in the last 2 weeks and it was a little scary because I wasn’t able to buy groceries and so I was scraping the most random things together that I already had in my cabinets to eat.  I mean I got to eat something but during all of this my heart was not really in a good place.  When money gets real tight I always find myself wondering what exactly I am doing with my life.  Almost every ounce of my flesh wants to just go back to Virginia, live with my mom, get a full time job and live comfortably.  My flesh wants the easy route.  I’m a fulltime student at IHOPU and so I am able to raise support and my supporters can receive a tax-deduction.  I also have tried finding a part-time job, but with the schedule for school, it is just really hard to find a job.  So I have a few supporters and I babysit every free moment I have and I make ends meet.  And it works.  It’s just I often don’t know how my months will work out.  It is that “fun” living on the edge life I suppose.  Don’t misread this though that I am complaining, because I am not, I could not think of anything else I would rather do.

When I do find myself in the moments of crisis and wanting to just pack up and go home, I begin to picture my life back in Virginia…a compfy fullsize bed (currently my bed is an air mattress since my other mattress turned against me and let the coils poke through the mattress!), free food and home cooked meals courtesy of Mom, well paying full time job…but then I start thinking what will I do with that full time job?  I can’t see myself spending the rest of my life working full-time, I wouldn’t know what to do with all the money!  Well I am sure I could figure something out   But really, while every ounce of my flesh wants to go back to Virginia, every ounce of my heart says “NO!  Stay in Kansas City!”  And of course I am still here and plan on being here at least another 3 years   But these are the emotions that run through my mind every now and then.

I forget what I am doing when I am sitting in a room that seats 500+ people, with live worship that runs 24/7.  I forget the investment I am making while pursuing biblical studies.  I forget the whole reason I am out here.  I am here for God.  I am here to know the One who is uncreated, who is sovereign, who is higher than the Heavens.  I forget that God delights that I am here and I forget that He is a good good Father who provides for me always.

Once I can quiet the thoughts in my mind about the unstability of my life, I remember that the one thing that is stable in my life is God and that will never change.  What else would I want to devote my life to?  Certainly not anything of this world since it is all fading away anyways…I will devote and give my life to the One who dreamt a dream in His heart before the foundations of this world, and one of those dreams was me!  He knew me before there was even earth.  How crazy is that.  I’m only 25 and I think I have been around for forever, when really, God is forever, He has no beginning and no end.  So I gladly continue pressing on in the life that has been set for me and I am just learning to walk in grace and trust.

So back to the whole no groceries for two weeks….well it never fails when I start getting in the “I want to go home” mood, the Lord comes through.  All day today I was telling the Lord, “You have to come through today, I am at a desperate point and I’d like to get groceries and my car will need gas soon.”  I kept asking Him to provide.  So I begin to pray for a specific amount and felt like praying for 100 dollars.  I was just proclaiming it in faith that I would have 100 dollars today.  I even got boldness to ask for a 100 dollar bill.  So after my class I was walking out the building and a lady asks me to stop by her office on my way out and hands me a 100 dollar bill.  Hallelujah!  Amen.  I now can buy some good food.  I had thought I would go tonight, but really I don’t live in the safest area, so I didn’t think it wise to grocery shop when it was dark.  But tomorrow, tomorrow will be a perfect day to shop.

Even in my weakness and my weak attempts to live this lifestyle, and even when I think to just give up, the Lord smiles down at me and comes through.

Thank you Jesus for loving me.

kiddos

one of the kids I babysit for is 4 years old.  And on Easter his mom told him that they go to church to celebrate that Jesus is alive.  And he looks at his mom and says “of course Jesus is alive Mom, he was just born (in reference to the fact that Christmas was just a few months ago)

i love kids.  they are so honest!

The Mercy and Justice of God

I wrote this paper back in January and as I was filing some of my school stuff I figured, why not post it.

When I think of all the attributes of God, I find that the ones that make my mind spin are the mercy of God and the justice of God.  I know that God is mercy and God is justice, but often it is hard to see them both coinciding together.  I know this to be true, “You, O Lord, are a God full of compassion, and gracious, longsuffering and abundant in mercy and truth (Psalm 86:15).”

In the dictionary, mercy means “compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one’s power to punish or harm.”  Justice is “just behavior or treatment; the administration of the law or authority in maintaining being fair and reasonable.”  One of my biggest questions this past week is how God, who is full of compassion, bring justice and judgment to those who refuse to receive His love.  “So speak and so do as those who will be judged by the law of liberty.  For judgment is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy.  Mercy triumphs over judgment (James 2:12-13).”

Throughout the entire Bible, it is obvious that God is mercy.  David in his Psalms wrote about the mercy of God often.  “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the Lord (Psalm 23:6).”  David speaks this verse in the well-known passage of Psalm 23.  David knew the mercy of God.  Even in his own shortcomings and failures, he declared that because of the mercy of God, he would dwell with Him forever.  From the beginning, it was the mercy of God that brought forth redemption.  After the fall of man, humanity was not able to be with God who is Holy.  Through the mercy of God, we were able to be with Him forever.  The compassion of God is so evident through the mercy of redemption.  Psalm 49:8-9 says, “For the redemption of their souls is costly, and it shall cease forever—that he should continue to live eternally, and not see the Pit.”  This is the mercy of God that we would be given the chance to escape Hell and live eternally with Him.  It is good to know that His mercy endures.  Psalm 136 says, “His mercy endures forever,” twenty six times.  God is good in His mercy that endures forever.

Just as God is mercy, God is justice.  The time spent meditating on the justice of God was where my mind began to explode.  In my own human nature, I like the parts that are good, the parts that seem happy and without judgment, but I was determined to find the goodness in God who is justice.  My mind knew that the justice of God is good; it was more of creating the connection from my mind to my heart.  In Psalm 89:14, David states “Righteousness and justice are the foundations of Your throne; mercy and truth go before Your face.”  This is who God is.  God is all of His attributes; God is righteousness, justice, mercy and truth.

God is justice.  He does no wrong thing because He is perfect within Himself.  God brings justice to all.  In the Old Testament it states this, “For the Lord your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who shows no partiality nor takes a bribe.  He administers justice for the fatherless and the widow, and loves the stranger, giving him food and clothing (Deuteronomy 10:17-18).”  Over and over we see that God brings justice for the fatherless and for the oppressed and for the widow.  God is full of mercy and administers justice to all.  He loves justice and the ones who love Him, are preserved forever through His justice.  Psalm 37:28 says, “For the Lord loves justice, and does not forsake His saints; they are preserved forever, but the descendants of the wicked shall be cut off.”

Through this week of wrestling with the mercy and justice of God, I have come to realize the depths of God’s love for me.  I came into this world a sinner, separated from God because of His justice to Himself, but through His mercy, I can enter into everlasting life with Him.  He desires for all of us to be with Him, but must remain faithful to Himself and His justice.  God is the One that wishes that not even one would perish.

I found myself in the Book of Genesis where Abraham intercedes for Sodom and felt the unveiling of the Lord’s heart in His justice and mercy.  In Genesis 18:16-33 the story is told of Abraham’s intercession to the Lord to spare the city from the wrath of the Lord.  Since Abraham is the friend of the Lord, he was told by the Lord of His plans to destroy city.  Abraham then interacts with the Lord and dialogues with Him.  Abraham knows that God is justice and He knows that God is mercy and so asks that if there were fifty righteous men within the city, would He spare them?  The Lord says yes.  Abraham then asks if there were five less than fifty, would He still spare them?  The Lord says yes.  Abraham continues and asks if there were forty, then thirty, and then twenty.  The Lord says yes to each of those numbers, that He would spare the city if even twenty righteous men were within it.  Abraham finally asks if the Lord would spare the city if there were even ten righteous men in the city and the Lord responds, “I will not destroy it for the sake of ten (Genesis 18:32).”  The mercy of God is so evident in these verses.

This is the heart of God that He has His justice and also brings mercy for the sake of the righteous.  Again, He desires that not even one would perish.  I see that there is no separation between mercy and justice.  They are one and the same because they are both God and God is one and same.  It is so good to know God will forever administer His justice and He will forever give mercy.

Sunset

Well I really do want to update this but for now I will post pictures of today’s glorious sunset.  Has a sunset ever made you feel closer to God?  I was having a rough Monday and I took the time this evening to take a short drive to just relax and this sunset, it was mesmerizing!  I felt like I was being drawn into it as I was driving.  The light was so bright, I felt like I was about to see Jesus at any moment.  I was imagining how this sunlight is too bright for my eyes and yet Jesus’ light puts the sun’s light to shame.

I kept thinking Isaiah 58.  The whole chapter is amazing and one of my favorites.  But I kept hearing verse 8 and 9, “Then your light shall break forth like the morning, your healing shall spring forth speedily, and your righteousness shall go before you; The glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard.  Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer; you shall cry, and He will say ‘Hear I am.’”

It was such a sweet moment with the Lord and it changed my day from rough to glorious.  It was just one of those times where I just immediately felt that close intimacy with Abba.

**the pictures from my camera phone don’t come close to the reality of how amazing it was***

life experience

so one of those things everyone must do in their life is milk a cow.  well maybe not, but it is an experience that just isn’t part of our day to day of things we do.  so as a birthday treat, my roomate Kinsey (who has the same birthday as me), her friend took us to a farm to milk a cow.  Initially I thought we were going to a farm where people go to milk cows, pet animals, but this was even better.  She found a family who actually own a milking cow and let us come in to do its afternoon milking.  It was about an hour southwest of Kansas City and really was the middle of no where.  To be honest, I felt I was back in middle of nowhere harrisonburg!  It was fun though.  I won’t lie, I was weird out by it, but it was still an experience I won’t forget…I just thought I’d post the video and some photos of it!

on the way to the barn

and here i am

and i got to pet a cow too!

so i can now officially turn 25 and say I have milked a cow…not quite sure what else is exciting about 25, I did renew my lisence and am now officially a Missouri resident!  And I think car insurance gets cheaper…so they say

For school I had to write out my testimony of how I got to be at IHOP and a call to all to night and day prayer.  So I thought, why not post it to maybe give people a clearer idea of why I am here and what I do here.

Where did it all begin?  I was never one for much prayer when I was growing up.  The reality was that I had a fear of praying out loud and in front of people.  Even in small settings, I was terrified to open my mouth and speak words to the Lord.  I was so concerned with what I was saying and whether or not it was correct.  I never would have thought I would be at a twenty-four seven house of prayer.

In my second year of college, I began to really walk with the Lord and began to ask Him what were my giftings, what was my purpose, how would He use me, etc.  I will never forget the night I went to a campus ministry night with a guest speaker.  I cannot remember what the message was about, but I responded to the altar call and found myself up there weeping, asking the Lord what am I suppose to do with my life.  The guy walked by and points at me and says, “Prayer is how God is going to use you.”  It was as though he knew at that exact moment what I was asking the Lord.  I broke down in tears at how quickly the Lord answered that prayer and so I began to walk out in this journey of a life of prayer.  I attended every prayer meeting I could attend, and started to see the heart of God being birthed in my own heart.  I began to feel the movements of His heart and began to rejoice with Him and weep with Him.  I went from a girl who was scared to pray out loud, to wanting to spend every moment of my life in prayer.

That year another girl in my college told me about the International House of Prayer.  My initial thoughts were not of excitement.  I thought, “How do people pray all day and every day?”  I went to Onething 2005, and met the Lord in such an intense way; I knew I was supposed to be at IHOP-KC.  I still had two years of college left, but I knew where I would go once I was finished.  The funny thing is that in my last year of college, I began to seek the Lord and ask if IHOP was where He wanted me to be or was it just that I wanted to go because I knew how awesome it was.  Through this season of my life, the Lord began birthing a heart for this nation in me.  I began to cry out for revival for America and justice for the babies.  I never knew this justice heart of God and began to look into doing an internship with the Justice House of Prayer in San Diego, California.  I made final plans to move out there and a week before I was to move, the Lord halted my plans and told me to wait.  I waited two months, and in the process of waiting, IHOP-KC opened the Justice Prayer Room and was starting The Call Institute.  My heart began to burn to go out to Kansas City and the Lord, in one day opened doors and spoke to go and three weeks later I found myself in Kansas City.

I was so blessed and grateful to be here, finally the place of my heart!  So many people wonder, why IHOP?  Why does a twenty-four/seven prayer room exist?  The wisest decision I have made so far is coming out here.  The house of prayer is the Lord’s house.  Yes, the Lord is everywhere and not just here at the house of prayer, but this place has cultivated a place for God to reside.  David in the Old Testament had the same idea.  Psalm 132:4-5 says, “I will not give sleep to my eyes or slumber to my eyelids, until I find a place for the Lord, a dwelling place for the Mighty One of Jacob.”  What a great place to live, the dwelling place of the Lord.  It isn’t merely just a place to pray and ask for things from the Lord.  Yes we present our requests, but we also grow in love and friendship with God as we begin to commune with Him on a daily basis.

The prayer room is a wilderness.  What a great wilderness to be in!  Jesus Himself was in the wilderness for 40 days before He began His ministry.  What did Jesus do in the wilderness?  He prayed and fasted.  The prayer room is a culture of prayer and fasting.  It is not just to put our time in so that we can check out and begin a powerful healing and deliverance ministry.  It is a place of cultivation.

Farmers cultivate the soil to prepare the ground to grow crops.  One cannot simply plant seeds in hardened soil or dry soil.  Seeds must be planted in loose, fertilized soil in order to produce and prepare award winning fruits and vegetables.  Being in the prayer room is cultivating the soil of our souls.  We get to voluntarily loosen up the dirt so that the seeds the Lord plants may flourish immensely.  We want to grow in lives of intimacy.  We want to be His friend.

Friendship comes with time spent together.  When we come to the prayer room, we get to be in an environment where it is just you and God.  Even though there are other people in the room, we all come for the same reasons, to meet with God.  We might not all be called to live our lives at a house of prayer, but I believe that giving a season to the Lord in a place of twenty-four/seven prayer is a wise decision.  You won’t leave disappointed.  There is no way you can pray four, five, six hours a day and not meet with Him.

As believers, we all want to know Him more and become like Him.  2 Corinthians 3:18 says, “But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.”  As we spend time at the feet of God, as we continue to look upon Him, we become like Him.  We begin to develop an intimacy that cannot be taken away.

The Lord is coming again, and we must not be dry and without oil.  Just as in Matthew 25 in the parable of the Wise and Foolish Virgins, we must have oil in our lamps.  We are told to watch, and as we sit at the feet of Jesus and watch, we have the privilege of praying and fasting.

Even if the prayer room is not where you will spend your life, give yourself to a season in the voluntary wilderness.  I know for a fact that no one will regret those few months, or that year they spent in the house of prayer.  Pray and fast and grow in love and friendship with God.  It is worth our time to sit before Him and know the movements of His heart.  Most importantly He is worth it.